FAQs
GENERAL
What are FAQs and where can I buy one?
What do the letters B.A.D. stand for?
Could you be more specific?
You haven't updated this site in, like, forever. What is your deal?
You list all these products, but why can’t I actually buy anything?
What kind of business are you anyway?
Is this site for real?
I know you think these FAQs are clever and witty, but I don’t find them that funny.
MTD1 TODDLER PROTOTYPE
Can I buy one of your toddler prototypes?
How can I make my own toddler prototype?
Do you recommend hiding the fact that I’m developing a toddler prototype from my friends and family for as long as possible?
Will you be producing anymore toddler prototypes?
MUSIC
You list all these songs and albums you’ve recorded, but one is unable to listen to them, or buy them, so what’s the point?
No seriously, what gives?
What equipment/software do you use for recording your music?
VIDEO
Why are your videos all hosted on YouTube instead of this site?
Why aren't all your videos available to watch online?
So, when will the next new video be posted?
FAQ is an acronym for Freakin’ Awesome Quadrangles. These rare planar figures are extremely valuable and can only be purchased from the most extraordinary vendors. Fortunately, we are such a vendor. For more information click the Product link and then click on FAQs.
Top
Words.
Yes. Names. They stand for names.
We've updated it with this question of yours have we not? What other website gives you such personal attention? (Please don't answer that question). Believe me, we are working feverishly to update this site, and when we do it is going to be big. I mean big. We might even change some fonts.
Ask yourself this: Has your life become so superficial, so greedy, so caught up in material possessions, that the only happiness you find is in buying things? Frankly, you need help. When we show you products without allowing you to buy them, it’s for your own good.
Of course, if at some point in time we actually think we could make money by selling actual products for actual money, we might kick your well-being to the curb and cash in.
Business? Who said we were a business? We’re not a business, we are just a website masquerading as a business, so we can secretly infiltrate the dark and mysterious fraternity of businesses, learn their deep dark secrets, and then, in a surprising and brilliant act of reversal, exposing them for what they are, turning their own methods against them, and ultimately triumphing over those who would oppose us to begin a new era of world domination. Ummm…I probably shouldn’t have told you that.
Of course it is real. You got here by using a real computer, did you not? You used a real browser, did you not? (I guess you could have used Microsoft Explorer as well). You are on the real internet, are you not? One can only conclude then, that this is a real website.
You are right. We are sorry. We’ve worked all our lives to become clever and witty and funny, but it just didn’t work out so we tried to pull the wool over your eyes and fake it. But you were too smart. And doubtless too clever and witty as well. But, since we are a little bit bitter that you uncovered our charade, we should point out, that you didn’t actually ask a question.
We’re sorry, there is only one MTD1 “Miles” toddler prototype. He cost considerable time and money to develop and is, in fact still in development. Owing to these facts, we are unable to sell him to anyone. However, for the right price, we might be able to lend him to you for a couple of hours. If this is insufficient, it is possible to make your own toddler prototype.
Well, we’d love to give you detailed instructions, but we think it better to ask your parents or doctor. We should point out, however, that the appearance of your own toddler prototype might vary significantly from that of the MTD1. Also be advised that toddler prototypes are somewhat unstable, lasting only a few years before frequently becoming something somewhat different.
Absolutely. It’s fun. It’s exciting. And eventually your family will forgive you. Probably. Maybe. I think so. Try it and find out.
Have you not been paying attention? The CED toddler prototype has been up and running for months. Sure we may have neglected this site during that time, but really you ought to know these things. .
We needed a few more pages to fill out our web site.
Someday, a few of those songs will have links that will allow you to listen to them. Check back soon. Most of the songs will remain out of reach, however, as they are copyrighted and we only distribute blatant ripoffs to family and close friends.
All the songs currently on this site were recorded using a clip on stereo mic that came with some walkman purchased in Thailand. It worked surprisingly well. We have since purchased a more professional recording microphone and someday we will actually release a song recorded with it.
Our original album, “Tunes for Jon-Jon and JoAnna” was recorded and mixed by pushing the Sound Recorder in Windows Millennium far beyond its intended capabilities. Subsequent albums were recorded and mixed using Magix Movie Studio. Some songs were arranged using Finale PrintMusic. We have also added Sony Acid Music studio to the mix.
Video files are big. This website is small. Besides anyone who is anything posts videos on YouTube. And we do too.
Why aren't all of your videos available to watch online?
We know it is so 20th Century, but we don't believe in posting every thing for the whole world to see. Some videos, either because of length or content, we have chosen not to post. These videos are available, however, to friends and family. If you believe you fit that category, let us know (by our real e-mail addresses) and we would be happy to get it to you.
Have you ever heard the story of the tortoise and the hare? You see, the tortoise and the hare were having a race. It was a distance race. The start of the race was all hype and fanfare. The hare got off to a quick start and soon left both the tortoise and the crowds far in the distance. Then the hare got a little bored. With his opponent so far behind, he had no one to talk trash with. He realized that the race was not all it was hyped up to be. Then, ahead on the road, he saw a fine looking female rabbit. He decided that having a good home and a good family were more important, and in the end, more satisfying than some overhyped race. So he and the pretty rabbit settled down and started a family, a big family (that’s the way of rabbits). The race soon became a distant memory of a superficial past. In the mean time, the tortoise trudged on, determined to finish the race. As he approached the finish he realized that the tape had not been broken, that the hare had not won. In this day and age, we do not remember all the happy memories the hare shared with his wife and children. We do not remember that the tortoise died old and alone, still clinging to the glory of a single moment. All we remember is that the tortoise won the race.
